Memories

I received an email a few weeks back illustrating the wonders of 90s.All things we did down the memory lane. Ramayan, He man, complain; reminiscences of the good old days. It was a very nostalgic mail & got me into thinking, what defines my childhood? How can a simple collection of memories create such an impact on my mind? Taking it forward, what truly defines the 90s for me, the time when I was growing up, it’s not that I have stopped growing up but that was the time when I was growing older AND growing up. Most of us stop growing up after a certain age and continue growing older. So I thought let’s jot down my greatest hits of 90s.Greatest hits as in memories which have forever been embedded in my heart. 


So here is a list of my greatest hits:
1. Sundays- Marked obviously by programs like Mowgli, Indradhanush and Stone Boy
2. Returning home early after exams
3. Mom's constant nagging for studies
4. Examples of good kids Vs. Not So good kids
5. My school till 10th the founder’s week at school
6. My Hindi teacher and maths/drama teacher
7. School - Home ride
8. Sports day in which I my contribution remained nil.
9. Cable TV- Zee TV starting at 7 in the evening and all the hot late night movies on Star movies.
10. Tuition teacher who taught maths, physics and chemistry
11. Evening Power cuts- the joy which they gave when we had our study time-out and went to play hide and seek in dark.
12. Summer vacations
13. Nainital visit in class 9 and mussorie visit in class 10th.
14. Accusation of bringing some not for children's eyes material to school and sharing it with friends. Now I was never part of it but was notorious enough to be assumed to be a part of the gang that did such a courageous act.


We move forward in life and leave our soul at certain places. When we go back to these places searching for our souls we hear them calling. Through the streets , the old tree , the coffee shop , old houses where we used to play , all the old friends there faces appear against the window like breath on a cold morning. But it's not the place that decides the nostalgia; neither it's the time or TV programs. It’s the people.


It’s the people who share their souls and then leave parts of it in the moment. Sometimes when you visit these places you still can hear the giggles of ecstasy. Reinforcing the notion that, “happiness is real only when it is shared”. Uncertainty also plays a role. I believe that the most evocative moments are also the most uncertain. When there are only faded images of future & no face to attach to that image. Somehow from this field of uncertainty sprouts incomparable joy. The life after this crest is spent largely trying to recreate this magic. I think that when people fall in love they feel this energy, they spend time together and then they want this amazing feeling to be a part of them forever. They want to recreate those first moments when everything seems perfect, the feeling that we can do anything together and we are incomplete together. But then, it disappears. It disappears because after marriage it becomes a routine and we are wired to be bored of routines. Take the simple example of cell phones.


When they are new ohh the care with which they are kept on the table, slid in pockets and cleaned every morning. But give it six months and somebody asks for the phone and it’s taken as an opportunity to play catch! Slowly the magic fades away. All that is left is a corpse that people carry all their lives. They learn to live with that corpse give it a makeup now & then create a delusion for themselves. Some are bold enough to give up this burden altogether while others learn to compromise and start depending on it. Then they can't imagine life without it because they are used to this. They are afraid to lose it because they haven't thought a life without this feeling. But now love has been replaced by fear. Fear of what? Fear of life without these habits. It’s the habit that now drives the relationship not love, only because we are afraid of going so deep into ourselves for answers that we call it love and do away with it. In this confusion we forget that the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences. 90s officially ended in 1999 same happened for me too, but not for the numerological reasons.


For me 90s ended the day I left my old school & went to finish the last 2 school years at a new place. Only later did I realize that 11 & 12 was the worst phase of my life. However some of my close friends were able to continue the 90s till 2001 but I had already forgotten my soul. I am still searching for it and made an important discovery in the process. The soul doesn’t reside in any memory or anything as dead as the past it resides in the joy of the moment. In order to live that joy forever, that bliss forever we need to keep growing up and never accept that we are complete. Only then the joy will be intrinsic and permanent.

Comments

SANJOO said…
Definately the first part is so nostalgic and common that it brings smile to me remembering all the GOOD OLD DAYS and FRIENDS. I wonder if we can recreate the days again which were careless,full of hope, smaller aspirations and selfless relations.
Good one. Few of these are out of place to me. Yes the school days are undoubtedly the best days for anyone. But I think the days in college were the days that I miss most. Those were the days that made me what I am today. They taught me that if you do not value others point of view, you will be alone with only your view. A very scary situation. Also it taught me to share. I think something we used to do unintentionally but in college, I learned to share not only with close friends but also with a far more Heterogeneous group.

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